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Fill To Capacity (Where Heart, Grit and Irreverent Humor Collide)
Podcast for people too stubborn to quit and too creative not to make a difference!Join visual artist Pat Benincasa in conversation with a riveting roster of guests to uncover extraordinary stories of everyday people. Listen as they share their quirky wisdom, unlikely adventures, and poignant life lessons! Fasten your emotional seatbelt for this journey of heart, humor and grit!
Fill To Capacity (Where Heart, Grit and Irreverent Humor Collide)
Vision Without Sight
Motorcycle crash and everything stopped. Kijuan Amey, Former Air Force Staff Sgt. refueling jets at 30,000 feet, entrepreneur, and student on the verge of a pilot’s wings- with broken bones and lost sight- had to decide. What follows isn’t a comeback story. It is a rock-bottom hard reality where every scar, every setback became fuel for a new kind of flight—one powered by faith, defiance, and a stubborn determination to live on his terms.
In this riveting conversation, Kijuan talks about an ICU-bleak medical prognosis and learning to walk, eat, and talk- refusing to let blindness define the boundaries of his life. As author, speaker, and world traveler, he’s not chasing the life he lost—he’s living one that can’t be broken.
Links
Don't Focus On Why Me: From Motorcycle Accident to Miracle
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Pat:
Fill To Capacity, where heart grit and irreverent humor collide. A podcast for people too stubborn to quit and too creative not to make a difference.
Pat:
Hi, I'm Pat Benincasa and welcome to Fill To Capacity, Episode # 119, "Vision Without Sight." What would happen if your entire life changed in a split second? For my guest, this meant one thing. Start over. Kijuan Amey was a staff sergeant and in-flight refueling specialist in the United States Air Force, thriving in his career, running a business, finishing a degree. His life was on full throttle, then a motorcycle accident, left him in a coma, and when he woke up, he couldn't walk, speak, or see. But listeners, this is not a story about loss, it's about what he found it. Kijuan is now a speaker, mentor, drummer, author, and fierce advocate for others navigating trauma and transformation. His memoir "Don't Focus On Why Me" is honest, raw, oh and deeply human. And let me just say, I listened to it as an audio book and I just couldn't stop listening. He says: "I may have lost my sight, but I didn't lose my vision." And by the end of this conversation, you'll know exactly what he means. Kijuan Amey, welcome to Fill to Capacity. So nice to have you here.
Kijuan:
Well, thank you so much for having me and uh, I truly appreciate that amazing introduction that you just gave me.
Pat:
Well, it's the truth. So you were 25 serving in the Air Force, running a business, nearly done with college, and then everything changed. What memory from that before life sticks with you most?
Kijuan:
I think the biggest part of it was the job that I did in the Air Force. A lot of people don't understand that. First off, the job is very demanding. It demands a lot of your attention and a lot of brain power. I mean, if you slack on either one of them, there could be a lot of hiccups and potential fatal accidents. What that entails, for those who don't know what in-flight refueling is, that's literally what it says. You're refueling another plane while it's in flight. So it is flying and you're refueling it.
Kijuan:
So this is not sitting on the ground. No engines turning. No, no. This is, everything is moving. People are in these planes moving them around, and I'm connecting it with what we call the boom. And I'm inside of a plane because some people do think I'm outside. I'm like, uh, that's what they used to do back, back in the day, day, day when, when planes were very slow, but planes are too fast for that and you would not last. And then the altitudes at which we refuel are not really made for man either. You know, we would get hypoxic, which is oxygen in your blood. That is one of those things where you just like, wow, you did that? And I'm like, yeah, I was the same way. Wow. I did that. So, so it was awesome. That's one of the biggest things I miss because of the simple fact of the view, not just me looking at another airplane behind me, but man, I was refueling aircraft over canyons, over water. It was just so many beautiful sites you could see. Wow, it was amazing. And then sometimes, not one, but maybe two, maybe three, maybe four at a time. I'm having to cycle 'em through and it was so amazing. And it's a powerful, I guess you could say, job as well as movement.
Pat:
Yeah. It almost sounds like it's surgical, your precision, the timing and the exactitude of everything. Okay. "So no one talks about grieving the life you thought you'd have." I think that's a quote from you. What parts of your imagined future did you have to let go of and how did you make space for a new version of your life to take shape?
Kijuan:
Well, from the age of 25, pretty much everything, what all I was doing in the Air Force. My goal in the Air Force was to finish my degree to commission and become a pilot. I couldn't do it anymore 'cause I lost my eyesight. Then also my business, which was a lot of eyesight based because it was website design, social media management, and photography. Yeah. You know, and then even the degree that I was pursuing computer information systems, which had a lot of coding and all these other different things that all of it, I was like, what? So what was I doing life for again? And it, it literally made me say, what the heck do I do next? Where a lot of people learned how to pivot into something different. When the pandemic hit. I was learning it at 2017, so I'm already now three years ahead of people in learning how to pivot and learning how to grow and learning how to move in a different manner.
Kijuan:
I didn't know that. And I was like, well, there is some good coming out of this. I mean, yes, it comes with a negative thing, but it is good somewhere along the lines and everything that's negative. And where there's a negative reaction is also a positive reaction or a counteraction, you know? So it's always one of those things where you have to figure out what it is. Though at the time, I had no clue what it was. I was like, this is just terrible. Life is over. I don't know what I'm gonna do. You know, everything was gone at that. Literally the blink of an eye, everything was gone. Yeah. That I had.
Pat:
Wow.
Kijuan:
I don't have anything that I used to have from that moment, other than, you know, my family and friends. That's it.
Pat:
There's a passage in your book that was really moving after your accident. You needed to vacate your rental home and 15 airmen show up and they moved everything in 30 minutes. And that's community in action. What did that moment teach you about showing up for others and for yourself?
Kijuan:
Okay. First thing, it taught me that people love me. <laugh>. People truly love me. So let me give you a little bit more context. So not only did they show up, they came from an hour and a half away. It wasn't like we were in the same city. They came from an hour and a half away to come do this. And then yes, it took 30 minutes, but this was from the third floor. It's not the first floor guys. This is from moving everything out of a third floor apartment. When I tell y'all I was just overjoyed because even right after they, you know, unloaded my apartment, took it to my grandmother's house, where I would be staying at that time. And then right after they did that, they came to the hospital to see me.
Pat:
Beautiful.
Kijuan:
So when I tell people that community matters, it really does. You have to have connections out here and people that just sit in the house, people that just sit on their phones, people that just, that is the most disheartening thing I can think of because all I know is being outside and learning who's around me. Yeah. Like that's how I grew up is who's my next door neighbor? Do they have any children? That's all I'm trying to find. Who, who can I play with? Yep.
Kijuan:
And now it's like, let's see who can I chat with? Who can I discord with? Who can I get on Instagram live with? What? There is no connection. There's no connection there. Because as soon as you don't like somebody, you block them. You can't block your next door neighbor. They're still there. Until they move, they're still there. That also was something that helped me with relationships when I was younger as well, because I knew how to say, if me and one of my friends got into a fight, well either later on that day or the next day, we're back friends again. Yeah. Because we've made up, nowadays people get in Facebook or shall I say, social disagreements and they don't talk and they don't ever talk again from a social media disagreement and they never talk again.
Pat:
Kijuan, you're bringing up an important point. Somehow we've given up face-to-face communication, connection. For mediated connection.
Kijuan:
Yep.
Pat:
Digital connection. And that's what you beautifully just outlined. Something gets lost in that. A lot of things get lost in that. Now you said: "I lost my sight, but not my vision." That's not just wordplay, that's a manifesto. What does that vision look like today?
Kijuan:
Yeah, so first and foremost, the quote it is to get people to understand the eyesight is the physical, the vision is the mental. I never lost my vision because I still have my brain that thinks for me. Okay? Now, granted, the doctors and everybody, neurologists, all of them did not think I would be using my brain the way I am. They thought my family would be doing everything for me when I came outta that coma. And when I say everything, I mean it. I mean bathing, I mean clothing, I mean communicating for me, all of it. They thought I would not be able to function. But as you can hear, I'm doing just fine.
Pat:
Yes, you are.
Kijuan:
I'm very Intelligent. I wrote my own book, nobody wrote it for me. I wrote that book, sat behind a computer daily and wrote that book for months. And it is not to be prideful, it's to say that I did it and so can you if you just take the time and do it. And so that quote means so much to me because I've always been a guy who used his mind. Even when I played football. You know, everybody's like, oh, that, that sport is so physical. I would never want my child to play. I said, but yeah, there's also a way to play it with your mind too. If I got hurt, it was because of the other person doing something ridiculous. It was never my fault. And I'm not trying to put blame on somebody else. I'm literally telling you it was the other person's fault. They would either like duck down really low or do something weird. That was like, well that's not even in football. What are you doing? And so I was always forward thinking in everything, even when it came to the military, that that job that I did, you had to be what they call "ahead of the jet." That's what we call it. Stay ahead of the jet. They said, 'cause the moment you get behind, it's gonna be a bad day. That's, that jet doesn't slow down.
Pat:
That says it all. "Stay ahead of the jet."
Kijuan:
That jet does not slow down, I'm telling you!
Pat:
I'm curious, you could have kept your story private. I mean, what happened to you is beyond traumatic. What made you decide to share it instead of just keeping it to yourself?
Kijuan:
There's two things. So the first one is people kept telling me to because I would share it privately, you know, with my family and friends. They're like, dude, you gotta write a book. You gotta do this, you gotta do that. And I'm like, I don't. And then the second thing was I was kind of getting tired of hearing other people tell their side of the story. And so I just wanted to tell mine, and it was one of those moments where I wanted to show military members that they can be vulnerable. We are not taught that in the military at all. That's what I wanted to refute, is that we as military members who are told to be, you know, strong, be boastful, be this, be that, Hey, at some point, when do I refresh and regroup? This is hard. Yeah. You know that life is not easy.
Kijuan:
And people wonder why when military members get out, they're either trying to find a way back to some kind of government's, whatever job, or they are either shell of themselves or don't really wanna be bothered. 'Cause I went in at 19, think about that. 19, your mind is still maturing at 19. So if they're reshaping it really quick, guess what? It's now turning into a militant mindset. It's almost like I started losing everything that I learned in the past 18 years. And people don't even realize the psychology behind that. It's, it's really, really demanding. It's a very demanding career field, but it's also one that yes, you can get some benefits out of it. And I don't just mean like, life and health insurance. I mean legitimate benefits such as discipline, resilience, these types of things. Yes, you can gain that, but what expense, so that's what I was showing in that book is that yeah, you can be vulnerable. And that's what all I wanted to do was be vulnerable. As you read or heard in the book, I was very vulnerable.
Pat:
You're leading me to my next question. You've walked right to it. Thank you. You were raised and trained to be self-reliant, but after the crash, independence wasn't always an option. Can you talk about the tension between strength and surrender? What did it take to let others help you? And how did that shift how you saw yourself?
Kijuan:
Oh boy. Oh, that's a can of worms. And I say that because I had the strength side of it to me was more so me getting back on my feet. As you already mentioned. I did have to learn how to walk. My jaw was broken. So I was kind of learning how to eat and talk again, a lot of damage. I mean a lot of damage. Learning how to be blind. And yes, you have to learn that because for 25 years I could see the strengths was were were learning how to deal with that, for me, not for everybody else, but for me, because if I don't learn it , who else is? They're not dealing with it on a daily basis. I am, every time I wake up, I'm dealing with it. That's like a strength. But the struggle of allowing others to help, it wasn't so much as allowing as it was getting others to help y'all know, I need help.
Kijuan:
Like, Hey, y'all know this. Y'all sat there and watched me in a hospital bed for a month. You knew what was coming. The doctors forewarned you, they made it worse. They made it seem like y'all were literally gonna have to have somebody 24 hours on me. You don't. So it's actually easier in a sense on you. I won't say easier. It's less of a burden on you than what they were actually predicting. And so when I see people go do things, when I see people posting on social media that they're out, I don't know, vacationing and taking family trips and inviting not just their immediate family, but the entire groups of family. And I'm like, well, why wasn't I included in this? And I feel some kind of way about it because I can still travel. I just got back from Italy and you don't think I can travel? You know, so it's like, where was my inclusion on the text? And it's, this is not to get into the whole DEI thing. This is to say that we should be included.
Pat:
Yeah.
Pat:
Kiwan, when people have a tragic accident or they have cancer, their friends and family see the cancer, they don't see them. They see the accident. They don't see the man.
Kijuan:
Exactly. And this is how I put it. Instead of saying there's that blind guy named Kijuan, you say there's Kijuan who is now blind, because that's two different ways of putting it.
Pat:
Yes, it is.
Kijuan:
Put my blindness before me. That means it controls me. It does not control me. I control me. And so with that being said, even when I get greeted at family events, like just recently, that was a person right in front of me that I'm walking with. Somebody greeted them and it was like a really, really heavy, deep handshake. And I could hear it like, yeah. You know, like, listen, I'm not a small guy. I'm like 240 pounds and I'm in the gym at least three days a week. I am lifting. And then the next after they dap up is what we call it, you know, handshake, greet each other. It's my turn to now greet the same person. And it was like a, oh, hey, how you doing man? You, you all right? You good?
Pat:
Oh no.
Kijuan:
I'm like, where's the energy ? Like where's the high intensity that there was?
Kijuan:
Why did you lower your level? Because you saw my glasses. Is that what it is? Is because you know that I'm blind now. What happened to knowing Kijuan? Y'all know me for my blindness now. And you know what's even crazier is I just went to New York for a speaker's competition. And when I got up there, these people were like, we just can't believe you are blind because you came all the way up here by yourself. You know what I mean? Now that one I can understand because they don't know me, but my own family, it's been eight years since my accident and y'all don't think I've grown since then. You know, it's almost baffling sometimes. And it's just because I feel like everybody's so distant, you won't understand what I'm capable of and what I can do because you're so distant.
Pat:
Maybe Kijuan, it's more about their own dilemma coming to grips with what's happened to you. Yeah. And it's not about you. 'cause you're the guy that will do everything. You've always done everything. And that hasn't changed. But they have not changed. They don't know how to make that transition.
Kijuan:
It's one thing because I know I can't eliminate what they saw in the hospital. I know I can't because I know it was bad. But what I can do is show you who I am today. Who I am today matters way more than what you saw back then, eight and a half years ago. Because what I am today is growth. This is another thing that I have a problem with. At what point do you stop looking at your child who was at one point, for example, two years old. Eight years. They're 10 now. They're in the fifth grade. You can't look at them back like what, what they were two years when they were at two years old because they were barely understanding anything. Now that they're 10, they understand way more and you expect way more. Why wouldn't you expect that from me? I just try to do my best and not come off any kind of way. Yeah. But I do understand that people see me and treat me differently.
Pat:
Now I wanna shift gears here. From personal recovery to speaking out. In your Voices For Change video,
Pat:
You describe the moment you knew you had to speak up, seeing injustice, like the shaming of Colin Kaepernick and remembering your own service alongside people of many races and backgrounds. What changed in how you see your role in the world after that decision?
Kijuan:
Well, see, the thing is, I'll just go ahead, point out the main word "propaganda." People will flip a narrative on its head, literally to make it fit their narrative. Instead of trying to understand what is being depicted in front of you and what this person is standing for or not standing for. In the case of Colin Kaepernick, we tend to twist it and then add stuff to it. He was kneeling for a national anthem because of the police brutality and injustice. It had nothing to do with the flag. Everybody was trying to twist it and say, he needs to stand for the flag. Well, what about the people in the wheelchairs that are not standing? You know, they have a reason not to stand. What's his? Maybe you should ask that question. What's his reason for not, and when I see stuff, I'm like, it doesn't bother me. I was yes, serving in the military. It had nothing to do with race for me and him. I don't know Colin Kaepernick. So it has nothing to do with the race connection. It has nothing to do with a relationship connection. I understood the protest. So I'm like, freedom of speech. That's all it was. He can do what he wants. He's using the platform in which he has to protest, just like anybody else would do if they had a platform that they can use to say something.
Pat:
Yeah.
Kijuan:
There's so many podcasts out here nowadays. I'd be like, woo, the things y'all are saying, you know? Yeah. You don't hear nothing about it. But as soon as this guy is kneeling and you don't understand the reason for him kneeling, you create a reason for him to be kneeling instead of asking him how many people interviewed him about why he was kneeling? That's the real question. Nobody wanted him to be on TV once they saw that, you know, it was so sad. Well, that's not the main reason I took that voices for change. My way of thinking. I went to schools. That included others. I went to International Baccalaureate schools. Diversity was everywhere.
Pat:
Oh yeah. IB schools. Absolutely.
Kijuan:
They were everywhere. I loved it. I didn't have that mindset when I grew up of, oh, you know, the blacks over here in whites over here. No, I didn't have that. I had white friends, I had Mexican friends, I had Asian friends. I had everybody. What are you guys doing this weekend? Yeah. And I wanted to learn from them, but if you're not learning from their cultures, guess what? You'll never do? You'll never understand it
Pat:
Right now. That is key. In terms of what you said earlier, you called it propaganda. Another aspect to this, sometimes I think that people are on social media to get angry. They look for things to get angry over. It's more on social media at this point. Because people can say the most benign thing, and then someone's either trolling or taking it out of context. And what you're really talking about is the ability for critical thinking. When something happens, what is this about? What's the story behind it? What is it I'm to learn about this instead of being packaged? Well, the guy hates the flag. But then it gets into these soundbites, these hostile sound bites that are like incendiaries to the community to any kind of connection.
Pat:
And that's what you're talking about.
Kijuan:
Yep. Absolutely.
Pat:
Now, you've talked about getting out of your head as the start of your recovery. What did that look like in real time? Like, what pulled you out of the mental loop and back into life? Was there a moment or was it a buildup?
Kijuan:
So yes, there was a moment, but it was more like, okay, I started to understand this was not me. Something is holding me back. I gotta figure out what it is. I'm tired of this pity party that I'm having. It sucks. Pity party stink. Okay. They're the worst thing to ever have. I don't care what kind of party you have. Pity party's the worst. But I was having one at the hospital, and I had to understand that I can't do that anymore because I had genuine people, first off, coming to see me that really loved and cared about me. And once I saw that, I was like, yeah, this bed is not for me. It's time to get up. And I eventually, it took a little while to, for me to get back on my feet, like by myself.
Kijuan:
And that was, so from June to October of that 2017 year, it took about four months for me to get back on my feet without any assistance. So no wheelchair, no walker, no cane. I went through those three phases. And when I tell you those first couple of steps that I remember taking, wait, I don't even think baby steps can count it, but that's just to give you a little bit of a depiction of what that was. Baby steps are probably the closest things you could get to it, because I could barely pick my legs up when you lay in that bed for a month, having surgery after surgery, them moving you, because again, I'm in a coma. I'm not doing anything. I'm literally just laying there. You lose all your muscle. And I was muscle. I was a lean muscle, but I was muscle. I was like a hundred and I think at my most 190 pounds. And I'm six foot one. So it was definitely a lean muscle, but I lost all of it. And I became skin and bones. So now I'm trying to build this muscle back up and is not easy. It well, was, it was not. It's easier now.
Kijuan:
But at the time it was not easy. And I mean, these steps were so hard on the parallel bars and trying to get myself up out the bed. Oh my gosh. Just trying to pull myself up on the side of a a hospital bed was, was hard. And I'm like, I know I got muscles. Where they at?
Kijuan:
They were gone. Okay. When they say if you don't use them, you lose them. They were talking about muscles.
Pat:
Yeah,
Kijuan:
They were talking about muscles when they said that. . But anyway, it was so humbling. It was really, truly humbling to say the least, because I golly not, I don't wish that on anybody like to be regressed all the way back down to literally learning how to walk again. Now, not just because I lost muscle, but also because I had broken bones from literally every point of my body except for my arms.
Pat:
Unbelievable.
Kijuan:
Except for my arms. That's the only thing that didn't get broken. The head back both legs, my right foot everywhere. So, you know, when I say learning how to walk again, I truly mean that. And I always try to put this into perspective for people who are listening to this, because it's one thing to learn how to walk when you're weighing, you know, 15, 20 pounds as a baby. It's another thing to learn how to walk. When you're weighing 140, that's a whole lot more weight. You know what I mean? So it's a whole difference. But yeah.
Pat:
You know, you speak to audiences around the world, but what do you say when someone comes up quietly after a talk and says, I'm still stuck in why me? I can't get out of it. What do you say?
Kijuan:
Well, the first thing I say is, why do you think you're still stuck there? Because until they understand why they're stuck there, they'll never get out of it. That was me. I had to understand why I was stuck there. 'cause I was asking the same question, well, why does this have to happen to me? Why, why, why? But then I understood that since I'm a faith believer, God tests what he makes, God said, you can't give you a testimony unless I put you through a test. And you can't give a message unless you go through the mess. And once I understood that, which by the way was one of those moments where I was like, holy smokes.
Kijuan:
I was like, I did not ask for this, but okay, you got me there. And so once, what I say is, if you don't understand your why me moment, you will never get past that. We all have to think about why, why something's going on or happening to us.
Kijuan:
We can't always put the blame on something else.
Pat:
Listening to your book and listening to you now, it's obvious that faith for you is not performative. It's, it's deeply lived. And I I'm curious that has that faith in those worst moments of you being in that bed, did it waver? I mean, I'm thinking, why have you forsaken me? Those moments that are so dark in one's life that you truly feel the aloneness of your predicament? Or did that faith deepen in the dark?
Kijuan:
Great questions by the way. It goes back to what I kind of just said, with, I questioned him. Oh, every bit of the way. Yeah. So, and when I say that, it was more like a, I don't wanna talk to anybody. Everybody just get out. I gotta have my one-on-one with God. And once I did, and he got me straight, because that's what happened. He got me straight. Okay. But he did let me have it out with him. And that's what I do love about it. I did get the, the chance to have my, my peace said. But once he responded, there was nothing else I could say other than thank you. Why do I say thank you? Because he allowed me to see why I'm still here. He also allowed me to understand that I am still here. Well, first off, every doctor counted me out. They didn't even think I would live. The doctor who did my spinal cord surgery told me to my face. I was just doing your surgery for protocol. And anybody who knows what that means, he's just doing it. 'cause they told him to had no faith in whether I would make it or not. Okay. That's first things first. Secondly, I also told you guys that they thought I would be a living vegetable. Yeah. You have to take care of him the rest of his life. That's what they told my family. Just imagine it.
Kijuan:
Two things. If he makes it, well, first off, we don't think he's gonna make it, but if he does, you're gonna be taking care of him for the rest of your life. Well, it sounds like they were a liar both times. Not just once, but twice. You lied. Why? Because you don't have the final say. God does. And that's what deepened my faith. And that's why I said I had to write my own story because I was hearing everybody else's. But then it put it in perspective for me and what I was going through and what I overcame. So that's really what it's, it boiled down to
Pat:
Kijuan, now I'm an artist and I have a- I see images in my mind. And as you're talking, your life is the personification of in-air refueling. You are that, and I had this image of you in flight and God coming and infusing you with what you needed to, to carry on. I mean, you are the in-flight infusion alive. In faith.
Kijuan:
Yeah. That's the beautiful imagery.
Pat:
Well, you are, you're that.
Kijuan:
Yeah. I'm just saying that because I'm seeing that imagery. That is a beautiful imagery. Wow.
Pat:
Now I'm gonna shift gears again. The Air Force Wounded Warrior Program lives by the motto, "Care Beyond Duty. " You've been on the receiving end of that kind of care. And you've also given it. What does care beyond duty mean to you now? Not as a slogan, but as something you've lived and lived with and carry forward. What does it mean to you?
Kijuan:
Take a deep breath on this one because people don't really understand how bad it really is when you're no longer what I would call able to do, what you're able to do. What do I mean by that? Well, if I'm an in-flight refueling specialist and I'm no longer able to do that for the Air Force, they're trying to find the quickest way to either move me to something else to help the Air Force move along or get me away from the Air Force because there's no point for me anymore. Now, Air Force One Warrior's Program, where they step in at, is that their job is to say, your duty might be over, but we still care for you. We're still here to help you. We're still here to assist you and get you what you need. Because I'm telling you, there's so many times, and not just the Air Force, I've seen it from every branch that they're literally is tossing people to the side. Like it's nothing. It's almost like a use and abuse type thing. And this is why I don't like to speak on it, because it can get very dirty, but it is dirty and how they're treating it. So I retired June of 2021. I am still waiting to receive pay.
Pat:
What?
Kijuan:
From the government.
Pat:
How can that be?
Kijuan:
Because they keep pushing back on things. Oh, this is missing. Oh, you need to fill this out. Oh, you need to do that. Oh, we need to see you for an appointment. Uh, hey man, listen, why not write this in a whole long email telling me everything you need versus waiting until something is not right. Instead, we're gonna drag this out. I filled out a form last year, uh, I think it was April of, of 2024. And I'm still waiting. It is about to be the end of 2025 here. As I say, here in North Carolina is the "ber" months. That means it's the end of the year. The ber months is telling you it's the end of the year. And I wouldn't be surprised if this goes until next year. Okay. Yeah. So it's been well over a year about to be going on two years in April of 2026, I'll be sitting here waiting on the government. And with this shutdown, it's not helping because people are not able to do their jobs when people are told to go home.
Pat:
Yeah.
Kijuan:
But back to the "care beyond duty" side of it. 'cause I am a mentor. Another situation, not mine, but I'm, I have a mentee that I, I'm mentoring. And she just called me literally in tears because she said she's done, she's tired of fighting just to get what she's owed. Not something she's trying to finagle her way into or trying to see if she qualifies something she is owed. She's tired of fighting for it because they keep coming up with something, anything. And I don't know what doctor this is, but they need to look into him. You can withhold medical records that are mine. Please tell me how you could say I I'm not giving you that. Wait, you're not giving me my medical records? Yeah. We'll, we'll have a IG complaint here pretty soon.
Pat:
IG What is that?
Kijuan:
Uh, that is Inspector General. Okay.
Kijuan:
Yeah, because they're gonna go, I'm gonna need them to go and investigate this. There's no way you should be withholding my medical records. They're mine, they're not yours. You're the doctor. You are for me, not the other way around. And so when I heard this phone call, I said, you know, I truly understand where you're coming from because when I had my accident in 2017, remember I just told you I got retired in June of 2021. I had my accident in 2017. The day of my accident, May 5th, 2017. They knew I was blind. They knew I had a spinal cord, medical infusion. It was gonna happen. They knew both of my legs were broken. They knew all of this stuff on May 5th, 2017. Why did it take four years to get me retired?
Pat:
Why?
Kijuan:
That's what I wanna know. Why did it take me four years? I would love to go to Virginia where that headquarters is and find out what do you need. The doctors gave you everything. And then not only that, the hospital that I was at gave you all the information. You made me jump through even more hoops by going through other tests. Take the same test and same x-rays that I've already given you. Maybe something's changed. What changes about a ruptured globe of your eyeball? It's gone. It's destroyed. There's nothing gonna change about that. What's gonna change about a severely damaged cranial frontal cortex here? Nothing. My brain is ruined.
Kijuan:
It is that way for the rest of my life. It doesn't fix itself. But you, or treat it as if it's gonna change. My spine is medically infused. What do you think? They're gonna go back in and take the rods out and gimme bones? What, what They gonna find the bones. Come on now. Let's be real. But four years it took me to get retired. And so I told her, I said, I understand the hoops you're gonna have to jump through. Yeah. And they only have one medical doctor at the base that she's at. I've never been to a base that small, but that is unfortunate. And she tried to get moved to another base, and they won't, they won't do it for her. But these are the things that happen. These are what they do. They cover this stuff up. And people wonder like, why are veterans homeless? Why are veterans this, why are veterans shooting up VAs? Because they mistreat people.
Pat:
So that brings me, and and you're talking about it, but there are folks out there who have gone through horrendous accidents dealing with bureaucracies, the frustration.
Pat:
And maybe they don't have family support or even a faith per se. And like your mentee, they're losing hope. And so what do you say to them? And I'm not talking about being a cheerleader. I'm talking about what can I do to, hang on, I'm on my last fricking thread here.
Pat:
What do you say?
Kijuan:
Well, I told my mentee the same thing that was told to me. And she understood. But this is what I told her. And this is what I'll tell anybody, especially in a military situation, they want you to give up. You know why? Because they won't have to pay you. They won't have to deal with you. It, it won't have to come outta their pockets. They're already talking about trying to cut veterans assistance. What do you mean? How are you gonna cut that? If you wanna find some angry people, mess with Veterans Assistance. If y'all wanna see a uproar, please mess with Veterans' Assistance. It's gonna be some angry people out there. And most of them, and I do not like to say this, but most of them are messed up. So they need this Veteran's Assistance. They might be messed up physically like me. And or even worse, they might be messed up mentally like myself. Or even worse, because PTSD is real and or even with the PTSD, a lot of them turn to either some kind of medication or drugs or alcohol. So if you wanna see an uproar mess with that stuff, I'm telling you right now, it is not gonna be pretty.
Kijuan:
Because that does not only affect veterans that affects those who are currently serving too. Because soon as you sign your name on that line, you are now considered a soon to be vet. I just don't get it. Why would you want to do that to somebody who is literally defending our country? These are and should be the top priority people, not the last thought.
Pat:
We're living in a time when everything feels upside down. And with that said, here you are coming back full circle. You're out there talking to people, you're living proof that the experts can tell you, Nope, no, he's gonna be like this. No, you know, I'm gonna do the surgery, but I'm just doing it pro forma. I'm just gonna do it. And here you are. I'm talking to you, you're doing podcasts, you're writing a book, you're all over the world talking. And so if anything, Kijuan, you're a testament to that kind of wonderful, stubborn, faith-based resilience.
Pat:
Wow. I wanna thank you for coming on and, and really sharing with us what it means to not give up and to live the way you're living. And I guess it's never about perfection. It's about showing up again and again and again. And, and I look at your life and I just respect you so much for doing what you do.
Kijuan:
Thank you.
Pat:
And I love your attitude. I'd like to think of as bad-itude that you're not gonna accept what you're told. And Lord knows right now we need that kinda attitude. So I wanna thank you for coming on Fill To Capacity today.
Kijuan:
No, I truly appreciate you having me. Again, it is really been an honor.
Pat:
And Kijuan, where can folks find your book and how do they contact you?
Kijuan:
Yeah, absolutely. You know, you can find my book on Amazon, Kindle, Apple books as well as Audible. And even if you go to my website of ameymotivation.com, that is AMEY motivation.com. You can find my book on there. And you can also go on there and book me now for any speaking engagements that you might have, conferences, events, galas, whatever it is. I am your man. I promise you, you won't be sorry. And I will give you the message that you are looking for. Also, with that being said, you can follow me on my social medias, on TikTok, on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn. If you just search my first and last name, Kijuan Amey, I'm there. Trust me, you'll see that smiling face.
Pat:
Fantastic. Thank you so much. And listeners, thank you for joining us today in this eye-opening conversation. And take care. Bye.
